if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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