The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
