I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
this hospital has no fireball
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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