Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
