Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
