I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize