I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
