I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
two words...techno handjob
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
