He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
