sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
