lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
