did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize