I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
