I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
