Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't turn off my feet"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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