So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
