wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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