Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
