I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
