I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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