My hand turned me down
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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