I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
