Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
