I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
