In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
