the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
