Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
