it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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