my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He? As in you personified your dick?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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