i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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