before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
