BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
