Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
