I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
