I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
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I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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