He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
