ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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