i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
