It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
