Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
