Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
