Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I want a musical about memes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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