Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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