ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This baby is an asshole
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
