You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
