I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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