Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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