two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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