he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You can't special order awesome
I could make wine with my vomit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He? As in you personified your dick?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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