I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
pray to the hookup gods
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
