it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
