No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
