hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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