I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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