I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
