Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
