I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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