i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize