I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
