It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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