You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
