I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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