I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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