there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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