11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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