I seem to have left my pride at pride
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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