Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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