oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
