I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
